Jim dreams of writing a book, Janet would like to go back to school, Carol hates her job, and Rob wants to lose 50 pound because his wife keeps nagging him to lose weight. But they’re all stuck. And they can give you a dozen reasons why. “I don’t have time,” “I can’t afford it,” “My husband would resent me,” “I have too many responsibilities,” and on and on. They may say they want to change but then come up with a litany of reasons why they can’t.
Psychologist James Prochaska, who has done extensive research on stages of change, would say that these people aren’t ready to change. They’re in a state of precontemplation. (Prochaska, Norcross, & DiClemente, 1994). Some people like this cope by denying or diminishing their problems or blaming others. Others don’t want to change themselves, but the people around them. Rob doesn’t really want to lose weight. He just wants his wife to stop nagging him.
Many people sabotage themselves by giving away their power to externals: to other people, other priorities, competing demands on their time and energies. Blaming other people or external circumstances, they live in what psychologists call an “external locus of control,” believing that something outside themselves determines what happens in their lives (Levenson, 1981; Rotter, 1966). This can lead to a state of “learned helplessness” (Peterson, Maier, & Seligman, 1993). They lose heart, believing that nothing they can do will make any difference. So why bother?
People who give away their power become so focused on their problems that they cannot discover solutions. And then there is fear. Admittedly, change is scary. No matter how uncomfortable our current reality may be, it is at least familiar. Change plunges us out of the familiar into the great unknown.
In my coaching practice, I help my clients move through stages of change, asking them powerful questions to help them develop their awareness and discover solutions. When they say, “I can’t do it because. . .,” I ask, “What can you do?” And when the change they want looks too big, too threatening, too intimidating, I ask them to think of one small step they can take.
Carol hates her job but was afraid to quit. Because she didn’t know what else was out there, she fell into the “either/or” false dilemma--either the job she hates or no job at all. Responding to “What can you do?” she realized she could search the Internet, set up a LinkedIn page, network with others in her field, and check out job listings—all of this without losing her current job. As a first step, Carol set up a LinkedIn page.
The key is to explore possibilities, looking beyond the problem to focus on your goal, then chart a path to get you there, one small step at a time. And, as my colleague Dave Feldman and I have found in our research on goals, it’s important to give yourself alternatives, steps you can take if the first one doesn’t work out, so you can keep moving forward. (Feldman & Dreher, 2012;Snyder, 1994).
Source: http://perk.fm/4tsrf
FOR ALL CANDLE-LOVERS!!! EARN POINTS FOR REWARDS EACH TIME YOU SHOP! www.luxurycandles4u.com
*********************************************************
Get 20+ benefits compared to AAA, You'll LOVE it! http://tiny.cc/TheGoodLife
Amazing and EASY work at home job! http://goo.gl/ikWy84
Get 5-7 100% FREE full-sized products at your door every month! Try before you buy! http://tiny.cc/FreebieFun
Advertising that WORKS! http://tiny.cc/AdsThatWork
To all Kawaii lovers! Everything super CUTE for you! http://tiny.cc/EverythingKawaii
Love candles? Love jewelry? Need a last minute gift to buy? http://tiny.cc/LuxuryCandles
Get paid to view ads through text messages! http://tiny.cc/CellphoneCash
Guaranteed work from home job for college students, stay at home moms and more! http://tiny.cc/EmailJobs
Fashion Bloggers get paid to share fashion! http://tiny.cc/Fashion4Cash
Share videos, make money! http://tiny.cc/VideoShareCash
Clarity is the BEST person to give you advice & guidance! http://www.clarityfix.com
******************************************************
No comments:
Post a Comment