5 First Month of Dating Warning Signs

 

Many women believe that they need to date a guy for months before they really get an idea of who he is.

However, there are some red flags that can pop up right away. Often, it’s the very fact that they occur so quickly that can make them a red flag in the first place.

Red Flag 1:  On the first few dates, he tells you he’s been hurt or that he’s “damaged”.

This doesn’t make him soulful and interesting. We’ve all been hurt in the past.
Is he taking any action to get help for whatever he’s experienced?
If not, then he’s probably using it as an excuse. It’s a way of lowering your expectations because it’s now unfair of you to expect reasonable behavior from him. After all, he already told you he was damaged. If a guy pulls this one on you, advise him to get the help he needs and walk away.

Red Flag 2:  He rewrites history.

This is known as gaslighting; when someone tries to erode your sense of reality, and make you doubt your own perceptions. An example is if a guy promises to call you at a certain time. When he doesn’t call and you ask him why, he insists he never made that promise. He might even look concerned that you’re “imagining” things.
The first few times it happens, it’s tempting to think it’s not a big deal and let it pass. Depending on the lie, we might even second-guess ourselves. But gaslighting is extremely toxic. This behavior only gets worse with time.

Red Flag 3:  He either contacts you constantly, or only very rarely.

He blows up your phone with constant texts and phone calls, growing sullen when you don’t respond as fast as he’d like, even if you were in work when he called. In this case, he’s telling you he’s entitled to your time and attention whenever he wants it, and expects you to be constantly available to him. Or he rarely contacts you at all, maybe only sending you the occasional text message. This guy is keeping you on a string. He’s not prepared to make a real effort, but he throws you the occasional crumb to keep you from losing interest and wandering off.

Red Flag 4:  He plays the victim.

Everyone mistreats him, from his exes and parents, to his friends and co-workers. You hardly know this guy, but you already know all the people in his life who have wronged him. His boss is deliberately singling him out and treating him unfairly. All his exes were horrible people who took advantage of him. His friends don’t go out of their way enough to help him. Almost everyone he’s ever known has inexplicably singled him out for poor treatment. You can never please a guy like this because he’s too invested in his identity of “Victim”.

Red Flag 5:  He expects you to agree with him on everything.

While it’s nice to have some of the same interests and opinions, a guy who expects you both to be of one mind about everything is showing you early warning signs of a possible control freak. It starts off small. For this guy, it’s not enough that you both have the same favorite author; your favorite book must also be identical. It’s not just enough that you both like the same musician; you must also have the same preferences about which of their songs are best. If he has a certain viewpoint about a news story, you better have the same one. This guy can’t handle any evidence that you’re a separate person from him.  He takes any differences between you personally, and views them as a threat.
Keep your eyes open and you can save yourself the time, energy and heartache of investing in a man who can never give you a healthy, loving relationship.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/5MonthDatingRedFlags

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