The holidays are happy days for everyone, right? Most people are living in a Norman Rockwell painting, walking through the park holding hands with snow falling and receiving their “perfect” presents. Of course you know this isn’t true. In fact, holidays are often the most depressing time of the year for some people.
Popular culture would have you believe that everyone is experiencing their bliss during Christmas and Chanukah. The “perfect” present ads are everywhere, and we just need to rush out and get that gift that will be life-changing for that special someone.
Unfortunately, for many people holidays enlarge the problems they’ve been having. Loss of a loved one through death or divorce, loss of a job, dysfunction or unhappiness within the family, and financial troubles are all situations that are difficult at any time, but especially during the holiday season. While you may not be able to change your external circumstances and create the holiday you believe you “should” have, there are a few steps you can take to make the holidays happier days this year. To increase your happiness and contentedness factors during the holiday season and into the new year consider:
Reframing your expectations. The Norman Rockwell painting is just that; a painting. It’s not reality for most people. Look at today’s reality shows to get a dose of what real life looks like! Instead of dreaming about what your holiday should be, reframe your view. Is there something you can do that’s meaningful to you that doesn’t mean a perfect holiday? Can you set a goal for something that is less of a stretch? Just by resetting expectations (read: lowering them), you might be able to meet them more easily.
Do something for someone who needs it. Most people can get attached to what they don’t have, or what they have lost, not realizing that there IS always someone in a worse situation than they are in. Even if you have a terminal illness, or have lost a beloved family member, there is someone else dealing with that same issue, or more. Can you find a nursing home, children’s hospice, or homeless shelter where you can donate your time and energy? Oftentimes just by being around those who need our help, we are able to view our own situation in a different light. Do something for someone else and see if it doesn’t lift your spirits a bit.
Create a “Thank you” list and read it every day multiple times. You are dealing with a lot right now, that’s true – but your life probably has, or at some point has had, some joy and good will. Can you identify those things that you’ve been blessed with at some point? Can you list attributes of yourself that you are happy to have? Focusing on what you have that’s good can sometimes minimize the impact of what’s missing or negative.
Throw yourself a time-limited pity party. You have lost something or someone, you are down and out or just feeling blue. That’s real. Instead of putting on rose-colored glasses and pretending it isn’t, give yourself a time limit on mourning whatever you need to mourn. On Tuesday morning from 9-11, just let yourself feel awful for those two hours. When that time is up, resolve to focus on the good. Resolve to find options that help you to be more positive. Resolve to take a step that helps you, not hurts you. Set limits and stick to them.Manage your negative self-talk. Catch yourself being down about your situation. Notice the thoughts that run through your head. Realize that the negative thoughts build upon one another until you are feeling so depleted that nothing seems good. Instead of letting those negative thoughts run away, stop them in their tracks. Tell them, “You are not invited to my holiday party!” and then start focusing on things that make you feel good, or better.
Do something nice for yourself. Do you want to start an exercise PROGRAM? Would you like to learn to sew? Do you have a series you have been wanting to binge watch (or read)? Is there a friend who always makes you feel better? Identify what could be good for you and DO it! You don’t have to spend money you don’t have; pick something that is in your comfort zone and won’t cause you more pain but that you would enjoy.
Have a plan and work the plan. The holiday season is here. You have something you need to deal with, and you may want to make a choice this year to deal with it more effectively. You can decide not to take a step but if you want to have better options, decide what those should be and commit to them. Make a plan of what you will do, how you will do it and when. Then, work your plan.
Help your holidays to be happier days by making choices that work for you.
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