Why Some People Undermine Their Power to Change

Jim dreams of writing a book, Janet would like to go back to school, Carol hates her job, and Rob wants to lose 50 pound because his wife keeps nagging him to lose weight. But they’re all stuck. And they can give you a dozen reasons why. “I don’t have time,” “I can’t afford it,” “My husband would resent me,” “I have too many responsibilities,” and on and on.  They may say they want to change but then come up with a litany of reasons why they can’t.

Psychologist James Prochaska, who has done extensive research on stages of change, would say that these people aren’t ready to change. They’re in a state of precontemplation. (Prochaska, Norcross, & DiClemente, 1994).  Some people like this cope by denying or diminishing their problems or blaming others. Others don’t want to change themselves, but the people around them. Rob doesn’t really want to lose weight. He just wants his wife to stop nagging him.

Many people sabotage themselves by giving away their power to externals: to other people, other priorities, competing demands on their time and energies. Blaming other people or external circumstances, they live in what psychologists call an “external locus of control,” believing that something outside themselves determines what happens in their lives (Levenson, 1981; Rotter, 1966). This can lead to a state of “learned helplessness” (Peterson, Maier, & Seligman, 1993). They lose heart, believing that nothing they can do will make any difference. So why bother?

People who give away their power become so focused on their problems that they cannot discover solutions.  And then there is fear. Admittedly, change is scary. No matter how uncomfortable our current reality may be, it is at least familiar.  Change plunges us out of the familiar into the great unknown.

In my coaching practice, I help my clients move through stages of change, asking them powerful questions to help them develop their awareness and discover solutions. When they say, “I can’t do it because. . .,” I ask, “What can you do?” And when the change they want looks too big, too threatening, too intimidating, I ask them to think of one small step they can take.

Carol hates her job but was afraid to quit. Because she didn’t know what else was out there, she fell into the “either/or” false dilemma--either the job she hates or no job at all. Responding to “What can you do?” she realized she could search the Internet, set up a LinkedIn page, network with others in her field, and check out job listings—all of this without losing her current job. As a first step, Carol set up a LinkedIn page.

The key is to explore possibilities, looking beyond the problem to focus on your goal, then chart a path to get you there, one small step at a time. And, as my colleague Dave Feldman and I have found in our research on goals, it’s important to give yourself alternatives, steps you can take if the first one doesn’t work out, so you can keep moving forward. (Feldman & Dreher, 2012;Snyder, 1994).

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Do you LOVE getting compliments? I know I do!

Just got a compliment from the bank teller! She came out of her seat to walk over to me to give me the compliment. She goes, "Omg your eyebrows are so PERFECT!!!" I express my gratitude and give her my secret. She expressed her gratitude in return. What I have been putting out into the Universe over the years is now coming back to me! I would most def go out of my way to give someone an honest compliment from the heart! This is a very rare thing especially amongst most females. When you give a compliment today I PROMISE you will get one back soon, depending on how aligned you are with the Universe. The saying "what goes around, comes around" is LEGIT! This makes the 2nd time this month for me! I challenge you all to give compliments from the heart today into the next 30 days n see what you get! If you struggle in giving compliments then something is really wrong with your self-esteem and you NEED to fix it fast! True confidence is when you give compliments freely and genuinely!

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If You Feel Trapped, Do These 9 Things To Take Your Life Back

Are you happy with your life? Many people are unhappy or dissatisfied with their lives, and a lot of these people think that they have no control over their life or what happens in it. However, you have the power to change your own life for the better using your mind and your actions.

Check out 9 ways you can take your life back and find happiness here.

1. Live A Lifestyle You Can Afford

One of the most stressful ways to live your life is to live above your means. Many people spend more than they earn and get stressed on a daily basis about their financial situation. It is important to treat yourself, but the treat shouldn’t be a big expense. Ask yourself these questions; what do I truly need to survive? Do I need this, or do I want it? Will it bring happiness into my life?

2. Be Aware Of Your Power And Take Responsibility

Many people blame others and the world around them for the bad things in their life, but the truth is you have full control of your life. Only you can change the things in your life that you are unhappy about. You are in control of your life, and you hold all of the power. Seize this power and make choices that will bring happiness into your life.

3. Find A New Job If Your Job Makes You Unhappy

Your job doesn’t have to be the best part of your life, but if you dislike going into work you should look for a new job. This is how you spend 40 hours of your week, and your job should be more than just a way to pay the bills. Ask yourself these questions; what could improve my job? What am I looking for in a job? Do I need to improve my skills to find my perfect job?

4. Realize That Life Responds To You

Your outlook determines the way you see the world, so make sure you’re looking at a positive view of the world. Your mind has the power to make you see life negatively, or it has the power to inject positivity into every day. Start to think more positive thoughts and you will notice both your mind set and your life changing and improving.

5. Start To Live A Healthy Life

For many people, being healthy is a big part of their happiness. Respect your body and drink lots of water, eat fruit and vegetables, exercise and get a good night’s sleep. All of these things will help you to feel happier and more pro-active.

6. Follow Your Passion

You know yourself better than anyone else, so you know what direction your life should be following. Listen to your heart and pick up hobbies that make your soul sing.

7. Be Honest And Learn To Say No

A big part of having self-respect is being able to say no to others. While it is a great feeling to help others out, it is important you are not being a push over. Say yes to others when you genuinely want to help, but don’t put your own life on hold.

8. Throw Away Social Norms

Many people live their life following social standards because they believe it is the safest choice, but they are unhappy. Take command of your life by doing whatever makes you happy, rather than doing what you feel like you should be doing. Be proud of yourself and stand out!

9. Do What Makes You Happy

If you want to do something that you think will make you happy, do it – don’t let fear of failure put you off. Fear can be a prison that stops you finding happiness, so take a chance and see what happens without worrying too much about the outcome. Life is for living!

What did you think of this list? Did you agree with it? Share this list with your happiest friends and see if they agree!

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Shortcut To Manifest Your Heart's Desires

So I was listening to The Secret audiobook the other day and thought to myself, "I should write a shortcut for all my blog readers!" I came up with 6 important things to remember when using the Law of Attraction to manifest your heart's desires. Here goes:

1. Your thoughts become things!

2. Any negative circumstance CAN change into a positive one! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS AN IMPOSSIBLE SITUATION!

3. The Law of Attraction is PRECISE, it never slips up! The Law of Gravity never slips up as well, remember this! 

4. The things you desire to manifest ALREADY EXIST!

5. Just ask ONCE, feel GOOD and BELIEVE that your desire WILL manifest!

6. ALWAYS be grateful for what you already have in your life (the positive and the negative) and NEVER focus on what you lack. Also be grateful for all of your heart's desires as if you ALREADY have them! FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!

I listen to Paul Hutchings grow rich calls every morning at 9am EST (http://www.growrichaudios.com) and I remember him saying that we should be grateful for duality aka the positive and the negative in our lives. I can see why he says this because the positive occurrances empower us while the negative occurrances strengthen us...if it didn't kill us, it made us STRONGER! Never EVER see yourself as a VICTIM, see yourself as a VICTOR! If we are all still alive today then those negative occurrances made us into excellent and positive WARRIORS!!!   

I'm a HUGE music-lover and I came up with 4 songs you can sing along to on the daily if you REALLY wanna go ALL IN with this Law of Attraction practice:

1. Feelin' So Good - Jennifer Lopez

2. Happy - Pharell Williams

3. Dear No One - Tori Kelly (To manifest your love soulmate)

4. Beautiful Life - Ace of Base

I'm sure there are more empowering songs out there for you vibe to but these are the songs I came up with.

Also be sure to get the book called The Magic by Rhonda Byrne to help you understand why daily gratitude is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! Here's what the book looks like:

You can get it on amazon and any other well-known bookstore near you!

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14 Unique Thoughts About Money that Every Millionaire Has

I’m sure you’ll admit that money pre-occupies most minds most of the time. Yet research shows that money and finances are one of the toughest things to crack. You need only look at the wealth distribution statistics to see the financial plight that most of society finds themselves in. The results? Well, quite clearly, financially wealthy people are in the minority.

Logically, we can only conclude that they are different from the average Joe Sope. Be it their thoughts, speech or actions – they are different. In this post, I want to highlight 14 unique thoughts about money that makes millionaires different.

1. They know money is abundant

Millionaires live in an abundant frame of mind. To them, nothing is limited or scarce. Whilst most people scramble around – doing things they hate – because they believe money will run out, millionaires know that money will never run out.

2. They know money is the root of all good

Whilst most believe “money is the root of all evil”, millionaires know that money is the root of all good. Money solves problems. Money gives you the power to bless others. Money changes lives. Money brings pleasure. Money liberates. In the right hands, money is the root of all good.

“What material success does is provide you with the ability to concentrate on other things that really matter. And that is being able to make a difference, not only in your own life, but in other people’s lives.” – Oprah Winfrey

3. They know money comes from Value Add

Millionaires know that the number one ingredient that attracts money is problem solving. When you solve problems, you add value to other people’s lives. When you add value, people are willing to pay you bucket loads of cash – happily so.

4. They know earning more outweighs saving

Most financial gurus will tell you to “save as much as you can”. That’s why most of society spends 40 – 45 years of their lives working to save for retirement. Whilst the benefits of saving are undeniable, millionaires know that your ability to earn more money is far more important than your ability to save.

5. They live within their means

In modern day society, we suffer from consumerism. It suffocates us to a point of no return. There’s nothing wrong with spending money. But there’s something crazy about spending money you don’t have. Millionaires budget. Within that budget, they understand the importance of spending less than you earn.

6. They know that time and money have little correlation

Passive income is a millionaire’s secret. By definition, passive income is earning money without you physically being present. Whilst the majority of people hustle and trade their time for money, millionaires trade and leverage their brains and assets for money.

7. They know that calculated risks are not optional

“Playing it safe” with your money is a sad way of living your life. Being stupid with your money is also a pathetic way of living life. But somewhere in the middle, lies a sweet spot. And millionaires know this. They take financial risks, in a measured and calculative way.

“Brave people don’t live forever, but cautious people don’t live at all.” – Richard Branson

8. They choose action not lottery

Whilst hard work and hustling every day is not a priority, waiting for the lottery winnings isn’t going to crack it either. Millionaires act. They believe in action that positions them to make money. The majority of society believe in the lottery, and hinge most of their financial success on luck. We all need some stroke of luck. Millionaires need a stroke of luck, too. But the difference is this: for them luck finds them on the path of action.

9. They value life experience over formal education

Life is a great teacher. It teaches you stuff that formal education will never teach you, especially when it comes to making money. It’s no surprise that most educated people are employed by ‘drop outs’. Millionaires realize that you learn more about money in the real world than you do through formal education.

10. They value education over entertainment

Although millionaires value life experience over formal education, they don’t – for one second – under-estimate the importance of education. They read books. They read current affairs and stay abreast of issues.

Sadly, the majority of society are soaked in entertainment. From television to movies, entertainment occupies a large chunk of their time. Over weekends, it’s parties and clubs – all in the name of entertainment. Millionaires know that money and habitual entertainment are an unhealthy combination.

“Poor people have a big TV. RIch people have a big library.” – Jim Rohn

11. They know you don’t need money to make money

Millionaires use the power of leverage. I’ve already mentioned that millionaires know that there is an abundance of money. Just because you don’t have money, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t money. In addition I highlighted that money is generated when you add value to people’s lives. When you solve problems, people are willing to pay you.

These two factors alone mean that if you have an idea that can solve problems and add value to other people’s lives and there’s someone out there with an abundant supply of funds, you are in a position to make money.

Focus on solving problems and creating ideas. That way, you’ll move from the notion of “you need money to make money” to “You need ideas to make money”. And millionaires know this.

12. They know money is a magnet

With money, you are able to attract things and people – both good and bad. When you value money, you attract good. When you disrespect it, you attract negative aspects. Millionaires know the magnetic power of money and how it can elevate your life to levels you could never reach without it.

13. They know making money is a process

There’s no such thing as “overnight success”. Millionaires will tell you it took years to become an overnight success. Genuine millionaires have invested time and effort to eventually generate the ideas that make them millionaires. They have made sacrifices that most are not willing to make.

Becoming a millionaire is a process. Cheat the process at your own peril.

14. They know that money should never steal your peace

Ultimately, millionaires know that money is a resource that liberates. But, it should never steal you peace. It should never be chased at the expense of your health, relationships and other important areas of your life.

Conclusion

As I conclude, I think of Andrew Mason, founder of Groupon – a coupon and discount site. Groupon generated the largest revenue in a 12 month period for a start-up company. Founded in 2008, it generated approximately $350 million in 2010.

What was Mason’s ingredients? Simplicity and value add.

He harnessed the power of collective buying. He created a win-win solution where customers save a ton of money, businesses gets an influx of customers, and Groupon takes up to 50 percent of the cut.

Where money is concerned, millionaires think differently. Apart from lottery winners and criminals, making millions is no fluke. You have to think, speak and act in a way that reflects that you are not mainstream. Go out there and cash in on your thoughts.

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