7 Signs of a Covert Introvert Narcissist

Narcissism is often associated with its many external manifestations, including attention seeking, grandstanding, superficial charm, lack of reliability, boundary violation, manipulation, and many other traits.

However, not all narcissists are openly grandiose and outwardly intrusive. Various researchers and authors have written about the introverted narcissist, variously identified as the covert narcissist, the hypersensitive narcissist, the closet narcissist, and the vulnerable narcissist (1)(2)(3)(4). This subtype of narcissism is more hidden, and yet can carry the same self-conceit and negative contagion as their extroverted counterpart.

It’s important to point out that many introverts are not narcissistic. The ones who are, however, may have a way of influencing others around them to feel off-balance and/or insecure.

What both extrovert and introvert narcissists have in common is their employment of an outer veneer of superiority, to disguise their inner sense of vulnerability. While the extroverted narcissist will say, in so many ways, that “I’m better than you”, the introverted narcissist will strongly hint at it.*

Below are seven signs of an introvert narcissist, with references to my book (click on title) “How to Successfully Handle Narcissists(link is external)”. While some people may exhibit a few of the following traits at one time or another, a pathologically introverted narcissist tends to dwell habitually in several of the following personas, while remaining largely unaware of (or unconcerned with) how these behaviors affect others.

1.  Quiet Smugness/Superiority

Many extrovert narcissists are fairly easy to spot, with their grandiose mannerisms and attention-seeking machinations. Introvert narcissists, on the other hand, can be more difficult to pinpoint, at least at the outset. They tend to observe (judgmentally) rather than act, and listen (half-heartedly) rather than speak. Yet, their quieter brand of superiority complex betrays itself through aloof detachment and disconcerting nonverbal cues. They may not express their negativity outright, but you get the distinct sense that they are barely tolerant with their lack of eye contact, condescending glare, eye-rolling, dismissive gestures, groans and sighs, high distractibility, quick boredom, impolite yawns, and overall inattentiveness. When they do speak, their comments tend to be critical and judgmental, focusing on their own conceited views.

This seemingly impenetrable smugness is, of course, a front, covering a sense of vulnerability within. Part of the insecurity may be the inability to relate to people meaningfully as human beings.

“One cries because one is sad…I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.”

― from Big Bang Theory

2.  Self-Absorption

One of the most common characteristics of an introverted narcissist is a sense of “withdrawn self-centeredness”. While many introverts are more quiet but good listeners, introvert narcissists tend to be reticent and poor listeners. Often, they will make a quick assessment of a person or situation, find it uninteresting, flawed, or unworthy of their attention, and mentally tune out (block you out). While most mature adults are capable of recognizing nuances of issues, and giving people the benefit of the doubt, introvert narcissists tend to focus on only what they selfishly want and find agreeable. All else might be labeled as “boring” or “stupid”.

3.  Lack of Empathy

“You’re sick? But what about driving me to the mall?”

― Anonymous

Both extrovert and introvert narcissists share this trait. Narcissists are often oblivious to, or dismissive of others’ thoughts and feelings. Even when you tell them how their attitudes and actions are generating adverse consequences, their response will be more about themselves. Such is the self-absorption.

4.  Passive-Aggressiveness

Some introverted narcissists deal with disagreeable people or circumstances in passive-aggressive ways. Upon receiving a reasonable request from you, they might say “okay,” “yes,” “of course,” or “as you wish,” then either do nothing, or behave however they please. When you inquire why they didn’t follow-through on an arrangement, they may shrug it off with an excuse, or say nonchalantly that their way is better.

5.  Highly Sensitive

Psychologist Glen Gabbard notes that some introverted narcissists are “exquisitely sensitive”. They tend to be affronted by any signs of real or perceived slights, and handle criticism poorly. In the face of negative feedback, some introvert narcissists will defend with an increased sense of superior smugness and dismissal (fight), while others will respond with sullen withdraw (flight). Typically, they will not let on how much the negative experience bothers them, and instead use their well-rehearsed aloofness to continue their schema.**

6.  The “Misunderstood Special Person”

The self-perceptions of some introverted narcissists include notions such as: “I’m special,” “I’m one-of a kind,” “I’m ahead of my time,” “I’m so unique no one understands me,” and “I’m so smart I’m above everyone else.” Statements such as these reveal common narcissistic tendencies of superiority, grandiosity, and entitlement. By constructing the superficial belief that one is “exceptional”, the introvert narcissist creates a reassuring role, submerging the fearful and vulnerable true self. 

7.  Impersonal and Difficult Relationships

As mentioned earlier, part of the introvert narcissist’s insecurity is the inability to genuinely connect with people. To this extent, the aloofness and/or smugness serve as a defensive mechanism keeping people away, lest the narcissist is exposed for her or his interpersonal inadequacies. Some introvert narcissists narrowly focus on self-absorbing work, technology, social networking, small cliques, books, games, fantasies, and/or other endeavors to minimize wider human interactions. These activities may also help them enact their covert, self-important personas.

Source: http://cc.cc/9twk

FOR ALL CANDLE-LOVERS!!! EARN POINTS FOR REWARDS EACH TIME YOU SHOP! www.luxurycandles4u.com

*********************************************************

Get 5-7 100% FREE full-sized products at your door every month! Try before you buy! http://tiny.cc/FreebieFun 

Advertising that WORKS! http://tiny.cc/AdsThatWork

To all Kawaii lovers! Everything super CUTE for you! http://tiny.cc/EverythingKawaii

Get paid to post mini comments under topics of your interest! Fun site! http://tiny.cc/Post4Cash

Get paid to chat with friends from your phone! http://tiny.cc/Paid2Chat

The ONLY social media site that pays you 90% of their

revenue! http://tiny.cc/SocialMediaThatPays

Love candles? Love jewelry? Need a last minute gift to buy? http://tiny.cc/LuxuryCandles

Get paid to view ads through text messages! http://tiny.cc/CellphoneCash

Guaranteed work from home job for college students, stay at home moms and more! http://tiny.cc/EmailJobs

Fashion Bloggers get paid to share fashion! http://tiny.cc/Fashion4Cash

Share videos, make money! http://tiny.cc/VideoShareCash

Clarity is the BEST person to give you advice & guidance! http://www.clarityfix.me

******************************************************

6 Signs of Narcissism You May Not Know About

How can you recognize the fragility behind the narcissist’s grandiosity?

The recently published 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) lists precisely the same nine criteria for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as did the previous version, published 19 years earlier. So these longstanding diagnostic yardsticks are by now quite familiar—not only to professionals but to interested laypeople as well. Because only the extreme, or “classic,” narcissist fits all of these criteria, DSM specifies that an individual need meet only five of them (barely more than half) to warrant this unflattering label.

As a starting point, I’ll reiterate these selected criteria—before, that is, adding six important ones of my own, which either complement or extend these “official” yardsticks. My particular measures for identifying pathological narcissists are based not only on my exposure to the voluminous writings on this character disorder, but also on 30+ years of clinical experience. This experience includes doing personal, couples, and family counseling with such troublesome individuals. But it also involves working independently with those involved with narcissists—whether their distressed children, spouses, parents, friends, or business associates—who repeatedly express enormous frustration in trying to cope with them.

To begin, however, here are DSM’s requirements (slightly condensed, and with minor bracketed amendments) for “earning” the unenviable diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. 

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. 

3. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). 

4. Requires excessive admiration [regularly fishes for compliments, and is highly susceptible to flattery]. 

5. Has a sense of entitlement. 

6. Is interpersonally exploitative. 

7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling [or, I would add, unable] to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. 

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her. 

9. Shows arrogant, haughty [rude and abusive] behaviors or attitudes.

So what’s left out here? Actually, as regards identifying descriptors, quite a bit. And I’ve no doubt that other therapists could add further to the six additional characteristics I’ll provide here—features that, although regrettably minimized or omitted from DSM, I‘ve routinely seen displayed by the many dysfunctional narcissists I’ve worked with. So, to enumerate them, such individuals:

1. Are highly reactive to criticism Or anything they assume or interpret as negatively evaluating their personality or performance. This is why if they’re asked a question that might oblige them to admit some vulnerability, deficiency, or culpability, they’re apt to falsify the evidence (i.e., lie—yet without really acknowledging such prevarication to themselves), hastily change the subject, or respond as though they’d been asked something entirely different. Earlier for Psychology Today I wrote a post highlighting this supercharged sensitivity called “The Narcissist’s Dilemma: They Can Dish It Out, But . . . ”. And this aspect of their disturbance underscores that their ego—oversized, or rather artificially “inflated”—can hardly be viewed as strong or resilient. On the contrary, it’s very easily punctured. (And note here another related piece of mine, “Our Egos: Do They Need Strengthening—or Shrinking?”). What these characteristics suggest is that, at bottom and despite all their egotistic grandiosity, they...

2. Have low self-esteem. This facet of their psyche is complicated, because superficially their self-regard would appear to be higher and more assured than just about anyone else’s. Additionally, given their customary "drivenness," it’s not uncommon for them to rise to positions of power and influence, as well as amass a fortune (and see here my post “Narcissism: Why It’s So Rampant in Politics”). But if we examine what’s beneath the surface of such elevated social, political, or economic stature—or their accomplishments generally—what typically can be inferred is a degree of insecurity vastly beyond anything they might be willing to avow.

That is, in various ways they’re constantly driven to prove themselves, both to others and to their not-so-confident “inner child” self. This is the self-doubting, recessive part of their being that, though well hidden from sight, is nonetheless afflicted with feelings and fears of inferiority. Inasmuch as their elaborate defense system effectively wards off their having to face what their bravado masks, they’re highly skilled at exhibiting, or “posturing,” exceptionally high self-esteem. But their deeper insecurities are yet discernible in their so often fishing for compliments and their penchant for bragging and boasting about their (frequently exaggerated) achievements. That is, they’re experts at complimenting themselves! And when—despite all their self-aggrandizement— others are critical of them, they...

3. Can be inordinately self-righteous and defensive. Needing so much to protect their overblown but fragile ego, their ever-vigilant defense system can be extraordinarily easy to set off. I’ve already mentioned how reactive they typically are to criticism, but in fact anything said or done that they perceive as questioning their competence can activate their robust self-protective mechanisms. Which is why so many non-narcissists I’ve worked with have shared how difficult it is to get through to them in situations of conflict. For in challenging circumstances it’s almost as though their very survival depends on being right or justified, whereas flat out (or humbly) admitting a mistake—or, for that matter, uttering the words “I’m sorry” for some transgression—seem difficult to impossible for them.

Further, their “my way or the highway” attitude in decision-making—their stubborn.competitive insistence that their point of view prevail—betrays (even as it endeavors to conceal) their underlying doubts about not being good, strong, or smart enough. And the more their pretentious, privileged, exaggeratedly puffed-up self-image feels endangered by another’s position, the more likely they are to...

4. React to contrary viewpoints with anger or rage. In fact, this characteristic is so common in narcissists that it’s always surprised me that DSM doesn’t specifically refer to it among its nine criteria. Repeatedly, writers have noted that angry outbursts are almost intrinsic to both narcissistic and borderline personality disorders. And although (unlike the borderline) it’s not particular fears of abandonment that bring out their so-called “narcissistic rage,” both personality disorders generally react with heated emotion when others bring their deepest insecurities too close to the surface.

The reason that feelings of anger and rage are so typically expressed by them is that in the moment they externalize the far more painful anxiety- or shame-related emotions hiding just beneath them. When they’re on the verge of feeling—or re-feeling—some hurt or humiliation from their past, their consequent rage conveniently “transfers” these unwanted feelings to another (and see here my PT post “Anger—How We Transfer Feelings of Guilt, Hurt, and Fear”).

The accompanying message that gets communicated through such antagonistic emotions is “I’m not bad (wrong, stupid, mean, etc.), you are!” Or, it could even be: “I’m not narcissistic, or borderline! You are!” (Or, in slightly milder version, “If I’m narcissistic, or borderline, then so are you!”) And if the mentally healthier individual has no clue as to what provoked their outburst in the first place, such a sudden explosion is likely to make them feel not only baffled but hurt, and maybe even frightened. But what cannot be overemphasized here is that narcissists...

5. Project onto others qualities, traits, and behaviors they can’t—or won’t—accept in themselves. Because they’re compelled from deep within to conceal deficits or weaknesses in their self-image, they habitually redirect any unfavorable appraisal of themselves outwards, unconsciously trusting that doing so will forever keep at bay their deepest suspicions about themselves. Getting anywhere close to being obliged to confront the darkness at their innermost core can be very scary, for in reality their emotional resources are woefully underdeveloped.

Broadly recognized as narcissists by their fundamental lack of self-insight, very few of them (depending, of course, on how far out they are on the narcissistic continuum) can achieve such interior knowledge. For in a variety of ways their rigid, unyielding defenses can be seen as more or less defining their whole personality. And that’s why one of the most reliable ways for them to feel good about themselves—and “safe” in the world they’re essentially so alienated from—is to invalidate, devalue, or denigrate others. So they’ll focus on others’ flaws (whether or not they really exist) rather than acknowledge, and come to terms with, their own. And in many curious ways this habit causes them to...

6. Have poor interpersonal boundaries. It’s been said about narcissists that they can’t tell where they end and the other person begins. Unconsciously viewing others as “extensions” of themselves, they regard them as existing primarily to serve their own needs—just as they routinely put their needs before everyone else’s (frequently, even their own children). Since others are regarded (if they’re regarded at all!) as what in the literature is often called “narcissistic supplies”—that is, existing chiefly to cater to their personal desires—they generally don’t think about others independently of how they might “use” them to their own advantage. Whatever narcissists seek to give themselves, they generally expect to get from others, too (which is yet another dimension of their famous—or infamous—sense of entitlement).

Even beyond this, their porous boundaries and unevenly developed interpersonal skills may prompt them to inappropriately dominate conversations and share with others intimate details about their life (though some narcissists, it should be noted, can display an extraordinary, however Machiavellian, social savvy). Such private information would probably focus on disclosing facts others would be apt to withhold. But having (at least consciously) much less of a sense of shame, they’re likely to share things they’ve said or done that most of us would be too embarrassed or humiliated to admit. Still, with an at times gross insensitivity to how others might react to their words, they’re likely to blurt out things, or even boast about them, that others can’t help but view as tasteless, demeaning, insulting, or otherwise offensive.

They might, for instance, share—and with considerable pride!—how they “chewed” someone out, and expect the other person to be impressed by their courage or cleverness, when in fact the listener may be appalled by their lack of kindness, tact, or restraint. Additionally, they may ask others questions that are far too personal or intimate—again unwittingly irritating or upsetting them. And such a situation can be particularly difficult for the other person if the narcissist is in a position of authority over them so that not responding could, practically, put them in some jeopardy.

To conclude, I can only hope that these additional characterizations of the pathological narcissist (vs. those with less pronounced narcissistic qualities) may be helpful in enabling you to identify them before their “malignancy” does a number on you. And if you’ve already been duped by their machinations or manipulations, perhaps this piece will be a “heads up” for you to prevent them from wreaking any further havoc in your life.

Source: http://cc.cc/8d6a

CANDLES FOR EVERYONE WHO'S ADDICTED TO THEM!!! WWW.LUXURYCANDLES4U.COM

How NOT to Lose Your Guy Forever? You MUST Take Our Advice! http://thanksro.com/sbcwh-how-not-to-lose-your-guy-forever-you-must-take-our-advice

No Doubt, These 19 Playgrounds Are The World's Worst Playgrounds Ever! http://viralsir.rocks/sbfmc-no-doubt-these-19-playgrounds-are-the-worlds-worst-playgrounds-ever

9 Commonly Reported Phenomena When Dying. If #7 is real, let me die! http://thanksro.com/sagka-9-commonly-reported-phenomena-when-dying-if-7-is-real-let-me-die

15 Amazing Beds Your Would Definitely Want To Have, Especially #5 http://postmim.com/sce5s-15-amazing-beds-your-would-definitely-want-to-have-especially-1

****************************************************
To all Kawaii lovers! Everything super CUTE for you! http://tiny.cc/EverythingKawaii
Love Candles? Love Jewelry? http://tiny.cc/LuxuryCandles
The ONLY social media site that pays you 90% of their
revenue! http://tiny.cc/SocialMediaThatPays
Get paid to view ads through text messages! http://tiny.cc/CellphoneCashMachine

Awesome Ebooks for the lover of reading! http://tiny.cc/Ebooks4U

Guaranteed work from home job for college students, stay at home moms and more! http://tiny.cc/EmailJobs 

Build your own picture business free! http://tiny.cc/PictureBiz 

Fashion Bloggers get paid to share fashion! http://tiny.cc/Fashion4Cash 

Share videos, make money! http://tiny.cc/VideoShareCash 

Clarity is the BEST person to give you advice & guidance! http://www.clarityfix.me  

Get paid to post, share and tag pictures! http://tiny.cc/Pics4Cash 

Get paid when your friends & neighbors watch tv! http://tiny.cc/TVCash

****************************************************