How to Remember Everything

You know those clickbait headlines like “How to [do something incredible] with this 1 weird trick”, or “This insanely easy [something] will change your life forever”, well many would suggest that the Method of Loci (aka “The Memory Palace”, aka The Mind Palace technique”) is one of those ‘crazy’ life-hacks, sort of.

The Ancient Greeks didn’t have cloud tools, smartphones, USB’s capable of housing small libraries or even endless reams of papyrus at their disposal. As such, they had to rely on their memories an awful lot more than we do today.

According to legend (passed on by Cicero, 106 – 43 BCE), the Greek poet and wise man Simonides (556 - 468 BCE) had just presented a lyric poem during a banquet in Thessaly. He was called outside just after his performance when the roof of the banquet hall caved in, crushing all of the diners and mangling their corpses beyond recognition. Simonides, well versed in the art of memory, was able to identify the remains of the guests (important for proper burial) based on knowing the order in which they sat.

While this legend, like most legends, is probably strongly rooted in hyperbole, we do know that many of the Ancient Greeks were very accomplished at remembering stuff.

In a very basic sense, the Method of Loci (loci = place) is a technique used to enhance memory. The central ideas of the technique are that you use visualization (storing/encoding information as pictures) and spatial memory (you mentally place the pictures in a familiar mental environment). This allows for efficient recall, by simply mentally traveling around the environment and decoding what you see into interpretable information.

This might sound like flakey astral-travelling communing-with-nature pseudo-crap, but bear with me.

A few years ago I saw this guy on TV memorise the order of a deck of playing cards. It took him just over a minute. At the time I quickly dismissed it as a setup; a silly TV trick. Last year a friend of mine showed me a youtube clip of this guy doing a similar thing, and then explaining how to do it. This was pretty cool so I started reading bit about it.

The World Memory Championships has been running for 25 years now. Each year participants from all around the world come together to try and remember more names, faces, numbers or words than anyone else. What’s interesting about the competitors is that, despite consistently performing absolutely astounding feats of memory, if you ever see an interview with any of them (or any kind of memory expert that performs impressive feats of recall) they will almost invariably tell you that they have average (or below average) memories, and so do all of the other competitors. Their perceived skill, they will say, comes from having enhanced their memory through training, and of course knowing HOW to ‘train’. The specific techniques they use vary, but all are based on the very simple idea of visualization.

I’ll give you an example of how this works.

I imagine the following story, as vividly as possible.

 I’m standing at the front door of my house when a big giant apple with razor-sharp teeth comes running at me. I can see the apple juice dripping down his chin but just as he reaches me I bite into him (he tastes delicious) and he stops dead in his tracks. Next I walk in my front door and see Johnny Depp (dressed as Willy Wonka) standing on my kitchen table throwing chocolate balls at me. I feel confused. I dodge the chocolate balls (ducking and weaving like I’m in The Matrix) and shield myself with an abnormally large piece of bread, which I steal from Cookie Monster. He just happens to be sitting nearby clasping a hamper full of Cookies and bread. I can really feel the texture of his blue fur. The butter on the bread makes the chocolate stick to it like glue, making a very weird looking piece of bread. While I am shielding myself I hear the sound of a harmonica nearby. A big fish is standing up in a pan in the sink play his harmonica and trying to tune it at the same time. It sounds horrible but distracts me from Johnny. In order to silence the fish I try and strangle him with a long rope-like piece of spaghetti. I have to wrap it around him about 50 times but he eventually stops playing the harmonica. I figure it’s time for a snack so I go to the fridge and open it with a violent tug but a huge wave of mayonnaise comes pouring out. As it washes over me I can taste the creamy egg, and I realize it’s stained my blue shirt so I take it off and go to the laundry. We have a weird system in our house whereby instead of washing clothes we give them to Popeye and he punches the clothes clean. While I’m trying to hand my shirt to Popeye I accidentally step on my cat’s tail. She hisses at me and bites my leg. She must really be hungry, so I decide to give her some mince I happen to have in my pocket.

Finish

This story probably sounds quite stupid, and it is. That’s the point. Have you ever gone shopping and had a list of items to remember? Everyone has. We just ‘made’ a list of 14:

1. Apples             (big giant man-eating ones)
2. Razors             (with razor-sharp teeth)
3. Chocolate        (thrown by Willy Wonka)
4. Cookies           (being held tightly by Cookie Monster
5. Bread              (used to shield against the chocolate attack)
6. Glue                (the chocolate sticks to the bread-shield)
7. Tuna                (the fish playing and tuning the harmonica)
8. Rope                (spaghetti wrapping around the fish)
9. Spaghetti         (spaghetti wrapping around the fish)
10. Mayonnaise     (pouring out of the fridge)
11. Eggs                (part of the mayonnaise)
12. Spinach           (Popeye…)
13. Cat food          (the cat is hungry enough to bite me)
14. Mince              (for the cat)

Read the story again slowly, and mentally see everything that is described.

Admittedly, this story took me a few minutes to create, and probably a few minutes to read. However, I’m fairly confident that most people, after reviewing this story a few times (and visualizing it) will be able list the items with near perfect recall.

Theoretically our short-term memories are only capable of holding 7 (+/- 2) items, remembering 14 is clearly impressive. But a really important part of this technique is that your visualizations must be vivid. The more stupid, wacky, bizarre, funny or ‘memorable’ you can make the images, the better. The more sensory information you can incorporate, the better. I try and imagine the smells, how something feels, sounds or tastes, and even how it makes me feel emotionally.

This might all seem like way too much effort. It did take me a while to write this story, but that’s largely because I’m a fairly slow typist. To come up with the story (and make the associations, visual images etc.) doesn’t take long at all. You can probably see that this generic visualization technique can be applied to remembering names, faces, strings of numbers/dates, words, poems – you are really only bound by your imagination.

Memory experts really proficient at visualization techniques can create their story almost instantly. Once you have done this a few times you should be able to review your story (mentally walk through the scene you have created in your mind) in next to no time. Not only is this technique efficient, it’s really really convenient.

I’ve only scratched the surface here, but this is an incredibly powerful technique.

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8 Science-Backed Ways to Flirt Better (Ladies Only)

Knowing how to flirt is both an art and a science. Here is what works and what doesn’t according to science:

1. Ask interesting questions, but don’t interrogate.Most people’s favorite topic of conversation? Themselves. A recent study conducted by the Harvard University Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience Lab found that levels of dopamine (a.k.a. the happy hormone) increase when subjects talk about themselves, versus when they talk about the same subject but in relation to other people. Bottom line: Waxing on about yourself is inherently pleasurable. So when you’re on a date, inquire about topics that genuinely interest you, but find common ground. Build on what he says. Avoid firing out checklists or predictable questions like,  “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” Ask open-ended questions instead.

2. Uncross Your Arms. Non-verbal cues speak volumes, and the right body language projects confidence and warmth. Make eye contact, smile, laugh, lean in.

3. Wear natural-looking makeup. Studies show that men prefer a lighter makeup look on women—more natural than what most women think. Resist the urge to wear a dark, smoky eye or daring red lip, especially if that’s not in your comfort zone.

4. Actively listen. Truly listening involves hearing what the person is saying and also paying attention to their non-verbal communication. Respond by paraphrasing and reflecting on the conversation to move it forward—it shows you genuinely care about what they have to say. Resist the temptation to interrupt immediately and hijack the conversation: “Oh you like skiing? Me too! I just came back from heli-skiing in British Columbia.”

5. Avoid your favorite topic. It’s counterintuitive but makes sense—otherwise you’ll probably end up talking too much.

6. Accentuate the positive. Highlighting the good stuff going on in your life enables the other person to see you in the best possible light. But don’t over do it—check yourself, and assess whether you are dominating the conversation.

7. Ladies, be direct. Research suggests men appreciate a direct statement of intention, “Let’s get together next Monday,” more than a subtle request or sexual innuendo. Studies show that oftentimes, women don’t immediately provide cues that express interest, thereby leaving the potential date in the dark.

8. Exit gracefully. Don’t let the conversation drag. If you feel an awkward silence coming on, politely excuse yourself. Leave them wanting more.

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5 Tips on How to Up Your Game Plan for Summer Love!

It has been a long and dreary winter, and now that summer is here, I know, like me, you are all ready to shed those heavy winter clothes and ready yourself for the long awaited Season of Love-Summer!

Almost everyone goes through some form of hibernation mode during winter and fall into a dating rut, hiding themselves away with promises to ‘snap out of it when it gets warm’. Well, guess what? It is definitely warmer now and it’s time to put your money where your mouth is. To break that dating rut, you have to shake things up and also put a plan of action together.

I believe that in life, having a plan with goal specific short term and long term action points are highly effective in actually attaining those goals. This is applicable and also highly effective when it comes to dating.
Here are my 5 tips to getting you back into the game:

1. Set a Goal

Goal setting is the #1 way to accomplish anything. This is the starting point because this will drive your actions. Without clear direction of what you want from your dating life, is like getting behind the wheel without knowing where you want to go. You might eventually get there, but with many detours, rerouting and backtracking, and a lot of wasted time and energy (Love Example: I will go to 10 new places each month to meet eligible men).

2. Make an Intention List

You would be surprised to learn that setting your intentions on something, like for example, I want to lose 10 pounds by a specific date, will get you there faster than just having a ‘pie in the sky’ attitude about it. Intentions drive actions. The best approach is: clearly state your intention about a specific goal and giving yourself a deadline. (Love Example: I will meet 5 desirable dates by June 1st by being more approachable and smiling more).

3. Write a Commitment Letter

Writing things down has been proven to be a powerful tool in accomplishing anything in life and this holds true for your love life also. It has been proven that when you write a Commitment Letter to yourself and sign it, it becomes more concrete and tangible as opposed to just a promise you make to yourself. Post your signed and dated commitment letter on your fridge or somewhere you will see it every day. It will serve as a daily reminder of what your goal is and keep you on track in fulfilling that promise and keeping the commitment to yourself. (Love Example: Write down your 3 top dating goals with a due date in your commitment letter, sign, date and post it)

4. Progress Report

Keeping a progress report that charts your efforts will give you a visual of how far you’ve come and how far you have to go to meet your goal. This is an incredibly powerful motivational technique that has shown to be invaluable for success and this includes dating. Make a daily progress report with the following: a) Goal for the day, b) Was it done, c) Course of action if you did not meet your daily goal and a new due date, d) Initial the new due date and move forward. This will allow you to have off days but not to allow yourself to wallow in your misstep. Beating up on yourself when things don’t go as planned, will not accomplish anything. It’s best to assess where you went wrong, acknowledge it, make a new plan and move FORWARD.

5. Reward

It’s been shown that having a payoff/reward, whether it’s that pair of killer shoes you’ve been eyeing, or splurging on a massage, will keep you most motivated, especially on those days when your energy is sapped and you begin to lapse on your commitments. It doesn’t have to be anything big or expensive, but something tangible andsomething you really want that makes you feel special. Ultimately, it is whatever that will keep you motivated to stay on track in your search for NEW LOVE!

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7 Reasons Quality Men “Hire Slowly but Fire Quickly” in Love

Men are attracted to the physical first because it is simply in their DNA, however, for a man to develop a long term attraction it has to be more than physical.

Most high quality men want to be in a committed relationship, counter to what many women think, but they are slower to choose and commit to one woman than most women would like.

1. Insecurity

A quality man wants a confident woman who can hold her own in nearly all situations without him having to take care of her every whim and need. Insecurity is annoying and it turns him off.

2. Demanding

Men have many demands placed upon them each day, and a tremendous amount of input coming at them so the last thing a man wants is a woman blowing up his phone or constantly demanding her needs be met. If he is focused on a need of his own he will not be able to shift his attention to the woman’s current demand.

3. Drunk is Ugly

This is important ladies, drunk is ugly. It is usually when a woman’s “crazy” is exposed. Getting trashed is not sexy, it doesn’t make a woman look cool or make her more fun and nor is it excusable the next day. Never should a woman have her man to think of her as a sloppy mess.

4. Threats

Many women are hell-bent on getting their way without any thought for how their man feels. When a woman has an issue with her man and he doesn’t behave how she wants, threatening him with an ultimatum is only going to push him further way. Men prefer women who are in control of themselves, not controlling of him.

5. Assuming commitment

Many women think sex means chemistry which means he’s committed or is going to commit. Unless a man is verbally telling a woman he is committed, he is not. A woman’s best bet is not to have sex too soon and let the man pursue exclusivity before the relationship is taken that next level.

6. Sex can turn him off

Desperately acting out in a sexual way makes a man see a woman as unworthy, to have low self-worth and to possess little to no self-respect. If a woman has to use sex to keep her position or to gain her position she never held a solid position to begin with. Keep your panties on.

7. Arrogant

A woman who needs to bring out her resume and list of accolades to constantly impress and man and/or his friends will turn a man off. When she needs to be the center of attention to feel he and his friends are impressed with her, she will soon be seen as unimpressive and annoying.

Sherapy Advice: A man will only value a woman to the same level or lower than she values herself.

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The Trouble with Insecurity

How those who suffer from low self-esteem sabotage their own relationships.

Most people seek a soul mate to love them unconditionally. But those who need such acceptance most—the terminally insecure—often sabotage their own chances at bliss.

When we're feeling low, we often regain confidence through a mate's love and support. Unfortunately, says Sandra Murray, Ph.D., people who suffer from low self-esteem assume that their loved ones notice their glaring faults more than their redeeming virtues.

In four experiments, Murray and colleagues asked subjects to think of a time they'd disappointed their partner. Finally, subjects answered a questionnaire assessing the strength of their partner's love and their feelings for him or her. Mulling over the past incident led insecure subjects to report that their mate did not accept them as they were. Ironically, insecure people seemed to push away a possible source of
reassurance by thinking less of their loved ones. Afraid of rejection, the less confident fear that their partners will get wind of their flaws, explains Murray, of the State University of New York at Buffalo. They try to distance themselves before they get dumped.

"People with low self-esteem are doubly at risk" of feeling
vulnerable in a relationship, she says. "They tend to believe their partner's regard is conditional." Luckily, says Murray, stable relationships are known to boost self-esteem. So the longer the insecure person hangs on to a loving partner, the less likely she is to drive him away.

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What Porn Does to Intimacy

The rapid proliferation of pornography is one of the digital age’s legacies; some 40 million people in the United States visit porn websites regularly, many of them emerging or young adults. Popular media have capitalized on cautionary tales about porn addiction and stories of boyfriends objectifying their girlfriends and wanting them to behave like porn stars. But studies confirm that the preponderance of young men—and slightly less than half of women—thinks that watching sexually explicit material is okay. 

That’s what Spencer B. Olmstead and his colleagues found when they asked college students about the use of pornography in future romantic relationships: 70.8 percent of men and 45.5 percent of women thought they would watch. In contrast, only 22.3 percent of men and 26.3 percent of women thought pornography had no role in a romantic partnership.

Men and women tend to disagree on two issues: How porn is watched (alone, in groups, with a sexual partner); and how often it is watched. As Michael Kimmel reported in his 2008 book Guyland, young men often watch porn with their peers and for different reasons than older men. Kimmel writes that “guys tend to like the extreme stuff, the double penetrations and humiliating scenes. They watch it together with guys and they make fun of the women in the scene.” In contrast, older men with more experience either watch by themselves or with a partner, and with what Kimmel calls “wistfulness” about their younger selves; they tend to prefer material “where the women look like they are filled with desire and experience pleasure.”

The Olmstead study found that women’s concerns had more to do with whether consumption of porn was limited than whom it was watched with. Men tend to think that watching porn has only positive consequences.

As reported by Nathaniel Lambert and others in a review of studies, women whose partners watched porn regularly thought less of those partners and saw porn as more of a threat to the stability of their relationship. On the other hand, other studies have shown that young men and women alike think that sexually explicit material can help them explore their sexuality and adds “spice” to what they do in bed.

Is watching pornography really as benign as people think? The following three studies reveal that it has a greater effect on relationships than those we usually discuss.

1. Porn-free relationships are stronger, with a lower rate of infidelity

That’s what Amanda Maddox and her colleagues found in a study of men and women, ages 18 to 34, who were in romantic relationships. The researchers measured the levels of negative communication, relationship adjustment, dedication or interpersonal commitment, sexual satisfaction, and infidelity. In their study, 76.8 percent of men and 34.6 percent of women looked at sexually explicit material alone; 44.8 percent reported viewing it with partners. They found that people who didn’t view any porn had lower levels of negative communication, were more committed to the relationship, and had higher sexual satisfaction and relationship adjustment. Their rate of infidelity was at least half of those who had watched sexual material alone and with their partners. But people whoonly watched porn with their partners were more dedicated to the relationship and more sexually satisfied than those who watched alone.

2. Watching porn diminishes relationship commitment

What these researchers discovered is that watching porn reminds you of all the potential sexual partners out there, which in turn lowers your dedication to the person you’re actually involved with. It also leads you to swap out the person who’s actually lying in bed with you for some fantasy person you’ve never met (and probably never will).

Does that sound healthy?

Nathaniel Lambert, Sesen Negash and others conducted five separate experiments to find out. In the first, they asked participants, age 17 to 26, who were in relationships (as long as three years and as brief as two months) about their porn consumption and measured levels of commitment. They found that porn consumption lowered commitment in both men and women, but with a stronger effect on men.

In their second study, they had independent observers watch videos of couples performing an interactive task—one partner was blind-folded and had to draw something while the other gave instructions. Among the observers, lower commitment was observed among porn users.

The third study only tested participants who had consumed porn. They had half the group give up porn for three weeks. The other half was asked to give up their favorite food, but were allowed to watch porn. The result? Those who had abstained from sexually explicit material showed increased commitment to the relationship at the end of the three weeks.

The last two studies focused on the effect of greater attentiveness to alternatives on potential infidelity and infidelity itself. And yes, people who watched porn were more likely to engage in flirting (and more) outside their relationships in one experiment; and more likely to cheat and hook-up in the other.

3. The fantasy alternative leads to real-world cheating

In another study, Andrea Mariea Gwinn, Nathaniel Lambert, and others further explored the nature of the other alternatives imaginatively offered up by pornography. They suggested two possibilities: First, that seeing physically attractive and sexually available partners on screen may heighten a person’s perceptions of his own possible partners. And second, that porn may make the idea of multiple sexual partners more appealing—another wound to a committed relationship.

And that’s exactly what they found.

In one study, the researchers found that people who thought about porn they’d watched reported having better alternatives to their current relationship than those who didn’t. A second study showed that, over time, exposure to porn was a robust predictor of infidelity.

More strikingly, the team found that both thinking about possible partners and acting on the impulse to find those alternatives operated separately from dissatisfaction with one's current relationship and partner. In other words, even though one's own pasture may be plenty green enough, just the thought of a greener one can be enough to send one roving.

You might want to keep that in mind if you’ve been watching the hard stuff or if you've become inured to seeing your partner just flip open his laptop "just for fun.”

Pornography is not as benign as you think, especially when it comes to romantic relationships.

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10 Habits of Happy Couples

What does it take to be happy in a relationship? If you’re working to improve your marriage, here are the 10 habits of happy couples.

1. Go to bed at the same time

Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps. And when their skin touches, it still causes each of them to tingle and — unless one or both are completely exhausted — to feel sexually excited.

2. Cultivate common interests

After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand-in-hand or side-by-side

Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand-in-hand or side-by-side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode

If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong

If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work

Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning

This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel

This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day

Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner

Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit… and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don’t despair, just apologize to your partner, ask for their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.

If there was one key to happiness in love and life and possibly even success, it would be to go into each conversation you have with this commandment to yourself front and foremost in your mind, "Just Listen" and be more interested than interesting, more fascinated than fascinating and more adoring than adorable.

Source: http://cc.cc/37wb

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