7 Things To Consider Before Declaring He’s The One

People are usually on their best behavior when they first start dating someone. That’s the time in most relationships when we are having fun and thinking that he is the one.

Slow your roll. Before you jump into that giggly state, consider these things.

• Do you respect him? Do you admire how he handles other people, the way that he treats them and his outlook on life? When you truly respect someone, you want to be your best around him. You don’t want to lie to him or play games or take advantage of him in any way.

• He’s the one if he is your best friend. You can tell him anything. You feel confident enough to express your accomplishments as well as your weaknesses. You feel safe and you feel accepted as who you are.

• You are truly attracted to each other. That can wear off if it’s not real. If he is the one, the intimacy gets better over time, and it’s more about making each other happy than anything else.

• Do you have the same basic goals? He could be the love of your life if you operate on the same page when it comes to the important things, such as kids, finances (if he’s big spender and you are frugal – red flag!) and lifestyle.

• You are both willing to compromise on things, especially those that don’t really matter in the big picture. You both should have your way, not one having his or her way all the time.

• You are relaxed and feel safe, yet you are inspired to be the best that you can be. You understand your place in his life and don’t feel the need to prove your value all the time.

• You smile when you think about him. You are at work or on the subway, and he comes to mind, and suddenly nothing else matters except the love that you share.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/pqzqjjy

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How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others—and Feel Happier!

"I generally find that comparison is the fast track to unhappiness."

— Jack Canfield

"Women are so unforgiving of themselves. We don't recognize our own beauty because we're too busy comparing ourselves to other people."

— Kelly Osbourne

One of the easiest ways to feel bad about oneself is to compare yourself unfavorably to others. We may be tempted to compare ourselves with those who have more accomplishments, seem more attractive, make more money, or boast more Facebook friends.

When you find yourself envious of what someone else has, and feel jealous, inferior or inadequate as the result, you’re having a negative social comparison moment.

Habitual negative social comparisons can cause a person to experience greater stress, anxiety, depression, and make self-defeating choices.

  

Two interesting notes about negative social comparison:

1.  Negative social comparison has elements of narcissism

When we wish to look, be, or have like others, we’re not really wishing for everything about that person, but only the idealized aspects of the individual. This idealized and grandiose perception of another is narcissistic in nature. Chances are, not even those whom you compare yourself with can live up to your idealized images of them. This is why so often when people spend some length of time with their “heroes,” “heroines,” “role models,” or “idols,” they discover that those whom they look up to also have weaknesses, flaws, difficulties and problems just like everyone else.

2.  It’s relatively easy to change from idealizing to humanizing

For example, you may wish that you have the perfect career and a lot of money like your manager Joe, or the good looks of your friend Kelly, or a wonderful romantic relationship like Samantha. Comparing yourself with them might cause you to feel somehow “lesser.” But when you look at their lives more objectively, you know that Joe has health problems and family issues, Kelly is actually insecure about her looks, and it took Samantha a painful divorce and many hard lessons before she found a compatible mate. Looking at them from a more balanced perspective, you realize there’s more than meets the eye, and that they’re human beings with their own share of challenges like you.

The Buddha reminds us that the four conditions in life which cause suffering are: birth, aging, illness, and death. No one, no matter how powerful, successful, wealthy, or fabulous they seem on the outside, can escape these truths. These conditions effectively make ALL of us equal. What’s left, then, are values which truly make our brief existence on this earth worthwhile: self-acceptance, quality relationships, and a meaningful life’s purpose. For each of these, the answers and our ability to realize them come from WITHIN. No external accomplishments, privileges, entitlements or materialism alone can achieve them. No superficial status, ranks, stations, or possessions are required to realize them.

"Try not to get lost in comparing yourself to others. Discover your gifts and let them shine!" 

— Jennie Finch

"To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself."

― Thich Nhat Hanh

Source: http://tinyurl.com/StopComparingYourselfToOthers

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Using Facebook: narcissism or empathy?

The researcher from the University of North Florida have taken the quest to investigate the relationship among Facebook use to see if is encouraging selfishness or empathy. As we already discovered, what we see on Facebook and online, as resulted by a study conducted by Facebook, already influence the way we feel. But can be more as how the social media and the online influence our personality and the way we express ourselves?

The rise of social networking sites has led to changes in the nature of our social relationships, as well as how we present and perceive ourselves. Although social media, like Facebook, allow us to connect, are we becoming more self-centered and less empathic towards other human beings?

A new study by Dr. Tracy Alloway, an assistant professor of psychology at the University of North Florida, investigated the relationship among adult Facebook users, between ages 18 and 50, and found that some Facebook features are linked to selfishness and some Facebook activities may encourage empathy.

The study  showed that there were differences between the sexes. While men were more narcissistic according to the test, narcissistic women were more likely to rate their profile pictures as more physically attractive, glamorous and cool. Females also changed their profile picture more than the males, updating their photo once every two months, compared to once every three months for males. This may mean that narcissistic women are more likely to use Facebook as a reflecting pool than narcissistic males.

This is interesting from the point of view of the “social game”. After all, we all want from time to time to be in the center of attention, but it seems that women’s have a greater desire than men to be admired.

There may also be a problem of expressing the low self-esteem. Contrary to popular believes, low self-esteem is wide spread among the population, and the admiration of others can be used as a tool of rising the self-esteem. Women’s tends to tie the self-esteem to the looks and the people that admire them, but for the men self-esteem is tied up to success and the ability to provide for the family.

But let’s look at final conclusions of the study:

However, Alloway noted that many other Facebook activities weren’t linked to narcissism. “The number of friends they had, even how often they posted photos of themselves weren’t related to narcissistic tendencies,” she said. “This pattern suggests that while Facebook may be a tool for narcissists, it’s more than just a reflecting pool.”

Additionally, the findings indicated that some Facebook activities, such as chatting, were linked to aspects of empathic concern, such as higher levels of Perspective Taking — the ability to place oneself in another’s situation — in males, while females scored lower. The photo feature in Facebook was also linked to the better ability to place themselves, both males and females, in fictional situations. For females only, viewing videos was associated with the extent to which they could identify with someone’s distress.

The study’s conclusion found that some Facebook activities, such as chatting, encourage some aspects of empathy. Although the photo feature was linked to narcissism, the overall pattern of findings suggests that social media is primarily a tool for staying connected than for self-promotion.

We all try to promote ourselves, to market ourselves of you will, and social media is a great medium for that. We live in a competitive world, and we need the approval of others to increase our self-esteem, and more people are using social media for this. Also, the empathy element of facebook interaction can help you to better understand your peers and in the end be a better person for yourself and for the others.

But don’t forget: healthy self-esteem can only come from within, and you and only you are the master of your destiny.

Source: http://tinyurl.com/FacebookMentalEffects

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